I sat in my living room, seething. I couldn't even stand having the tv on for background noise. I had been wronged!
Have you ever felt that way? Unjustly accused? Like no one hears you? Maybe, like me, you've been blamed for something you didn't do. Or maybe, you've been blamed for something you did do, but you don't want other people pointing fingers. I've been there.
I've read that anger is a secondary emotion, that it masks underlying feelings of vulnerability, rejection, unmet needs, and the list goes on. I've also heard that anger is really common for women of a certain age. (I'm not that age yet, but I hear it's a delight.)
This time, I was angry because I felt wrongly accused and I felt unheard. Those are my two biggest hot buttons.
For me, there's a cycle to anger. I feel angry when someone (wrongly or rightly) accuses me. I try to share my side of the story, but I never throw anyone under the bus. I think this comes from years of management experience and having been thrown under the bus many a time. I would rather gently explain my actions than outright name the person who's at fault. Some people consider this an overly-passive weakness. I like to think it's strength of character.
Either way, it feels terrible. I don't like being blamed for someone else's actions, it sullies my reputation, and makes me feel unheard, which perpetuates my anger cycle.
What's a Christian supposed to do? Do we man up and take the blame for others' misdeeds? Or do we shout it from the mountaintops, "Blame (so-and-so)! It's not my fault!"
I'm not saying I have the answer, but Ephesians 4:26-27 says, "Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity."
I can pray about it. I can go for a walk. I can journal about it. I can listen to really loud music in my car. I can go for a drive-sing-and-pray (an effective tool for a variety of emotions.)
I can speak the truth in love regarding the actions of the person at fault. I can tactfully discuss the matter with the person at fault. I can love them anyway. I can pick my battles. I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to. Even if I really, really want to.
Instead, I can allow God's word to dwell in me richly. I can allow the Holy Spirit to cultivate the fruits of the spirit in my life. I can remember that God is my vindicator. At the end of the day, I don't need to persuade any other human that I'm right, or more right, than anyone else. God knows the truth, and that gives me peace.
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